I walked into a Celebrate Recovery Dinner still feeling the effects of the after-work-infused pre-roll that I smoked. I thought, “What the heck was I doing here?” (I’m still a little high for goodness sake) and wondered what in the world catapulted me to go to church on a Monday night.
In the laid-back underwater state of my headspace, I hear the Holy Spirit inside me quoting scriptures and my inner voice speaking to me.
“You tattooed Adonai on your right shoulder, His name is written on your flesh….”
And my heart asking me questions like,
“And will Jesus, recognize you? Hear you when you say Adonai!, Lord, Lord!” Luke 6:46
I’m a stubborn learner so I turn the scriptures I read inward at times:
Matthew 13:15 Turned Inward…
For my heart has become calloused. I hardly hear with my ears and I have closed my eyes,
Otherwise, I might see with my eyes and hear with my ears, understand with my heart and TURN and God will heal me
I sat by myself, picking at the 5-dollar dinner they served before the “Large Group” began, and willed myself not to dip out and escape before the meeting started; after all, no one knew me, no one knew I was there except the Omniscient One of course, (haha jokes on me). He knew I was there. I’m pretty sure He was the one who pulled back the catapult that somehow cartoonishly landed me in the very chair I was sitting on.
I kept thinking “Dude, this is not gonna work for you, why are you even here? Weed isn’t too bad, it’s freaking legal!” But the words from past church notes I took and scriptures I’ve read kept invading my THC-tolerant brain.
“Do not turn a deaf ear to the Word of God” 1 Peter 5:8-9 1 Thessalonians 5:6-8
“God will use your failures for His purpose; just don’t wait too long”
So I finished my free for-first-time attendees dinner, (Panda Express that night) hung on to the edge of my seat with hard knuckles, and waited for everyone to move upstairs for the Large Group meeting.
The structure of the CR Large Group weekly meetings is cyclical; one week, there’s a lesson based on the 8 CR Recovery principles and the 12 steps, and the following week, someone shares their Sobriety Journey, a Testimony of how going to CR affected their life.
The first night I attended, I walked into the Principle 5 lesson;
“VOLUNTARILY submit to every change God wants to make in my life and humbly ask Him to remove my character defects:”
Happy are those whose greatest desire is to do what God requires Matt 5:6a TEV/GNT
The Acrostic of the Principle 5 lesson is READY
Release control
Easy does it
Accept the change
Do replace your contrary action (Rewire your brain)
Yield
The CR ministry leader who taught that night’s lesson posed these questions,
“Do you trust God to lead you to something new?”
“Will you choose Bondage or Freedom? Closed fist or Open Hand?”
Then, at the end, he quoted Jesus, “Do you want to get well?”
I asked myself, “ARE YOU READY?”
I bought and started a journal the next day – funny enough, I found one with a cover that read:
“FIND YOUR TRUE NORTH”
God is always speaking to me. I am only sometimes listening.
I taped the lesson notes from the previous night’s lesson on the first page of my brand new journal and reread Jesus’ question, “Do you want to get well?”
John 5:5-6 Turned Inward
When Jesus saw me lying there and learned that I had been in this condition for a long time,
He asked me, “DO YOU WANT TO GET WELL?
On that Monday night, July 10, 2023, I realized I did want to get well. I picked up my BLUE FIRST DAY CHIP, and began my efforts to earn it.
Thanks for this as a cr person myself it has helped me on my own journey
CR is awesome! – we all think we can do it alone and not need support but Iron sharpens Iron and we are strong in community. Thank you for visiting the site!