11-19-20 8:13 am Newport Coast overlooking the ocean
How can I tell you about Him who has redeemed me over and over again when I am high AF? Would you believe me? Would you believe how important He is in my life? Would you think me hypocritical? I would have to agree with you.
1 Corinthians 9:27 But I discipline my body and make it my slave, so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified.
A mentor once told me that as someone who experienced the comfort and kindness of Jesus, I should be ready to pray for anyone at any given moment, especially in their time of need. How can I effectively pray when I am not in control of my own mind? How can I tell you that I follow Jesus when I am not really following Him? When I myself can not do as He says. When I have no proof that I can indeed exercise self-control, not on my own accord but only when I subject myself to His scrutiny and instruction. What good is a servant that does not do his Master’s bidding?
Yet, how can I not be a witness? And what good is a witness who doesn’t show up?
It’s like in court when you have a star witness that you know will be able to free you and save your life beyond a reasonable doubt with clear and convincing evidence—-but he doesn’t show up. If I do not take a stand and tell you what I know, I will be like that witness that left you hanging, literally to die.
I can only speak from my own experience, and I don’t dismiss the medicinal properties of Marijuana. I myself have benefited from it to help with anxiety, sleeplessness, physical pain, etc.
But if I’m being honest, in the end, I smoked because I was desensitizing myself from emotional pain and not wanting to deal with whatever it was I did not want to deal with. Also, there is that feel-good 4:20 mentality. Any real smokers can tell you they are the most mellow when high. “I smoked 2 joints before I smoked 2 joints, and then I smoked 2 more.” That was literally me.
4:20 Smokers with exceptionally high THC tolerance can attest that not only can you function “high,” but your thoughts feel elevated, and you gain insight as your mind is opened. Ironically, I still prayed, and I actually thought a lot about God after I smoked. God never ceased to whisper in my ear; I would try to drown Him out by looking at the blue screen on my phone instead of looking up at the blue sky that screamed the glorious work of His hands.
I even tried to go around what in my heart I already know, I would say to myself “Well, if God created all plants on earth to tame and master and use how can it be bad? It’s natural, right? Every time I try to justify myself, I run into verses like this one;
Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. 9 Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world. 1 Peter 5:8-9
and this one:
“So then, let us not be like others who are asleep, but let us be awake and sober. For those who sleep, sleep at night, and those who get drunk, get drunk at night. But since we belong to the day, let us be sober, putting on faith and love as a breastplate and the hope of salvation as a helmet.” Thessalonians 5:6-8
I didn’t have to turn to my neighbor to know that “God…..was trying to tell me something!”
If I say I follow Jesus, then it would be safe to assume that He is my Master. That I am his disciple? How can I claim and bear witness to all that He has done in my life or that He is my Savior and Master when, in reality, I am my own master? I do what feels good. “Do what thou wilt?” which I just found out just recently is the first law in the Satanic Bible.
If I am being honest, I really had no regard for the price that was paid for my salvation. Yes, what Jesus did on the cross was enough. In His own words, right before He took his last breath, “It is finished.” His death, resurrection, and sacrifice saved me, but I realized I was walking away from my own salvation. Why? Because I wanted to feel good for the moment. I want to do what I want to do. I was not disciplining my body and making it my slave, indeed I’ve disciplined myself to be a slave to my body, my desires, to what feels good at the moment.
I’ve even tried to justify and research this, but if I put it against biblically, it doesn’t stand up. If you put it side by side with the Word of God
How can you fight an enemy whose sole purpose is to steal, kill, and destroy? You cannot survive on your own, let alone lead an army if you do not have your wits about you. A soldier cannot fight an enemy unprepared – so how can I bear witness to the change Jesus has brought into my life when I have not really changed? When I still hold on to anything that disqualifies me from witnessing the effect of God in my life?
I realized distraction from the love of Jesus equals distraction from being in love with Jesus
Being crucified with Christ is not a joke
The more knowledge, the more sorrow. Ecclesiastes 1:18
The more you seek, the more you find and are convicted. God’s word doesn’t return void – it pierces you like an arrow no matter how you turn your back from it. Like anything in life, you can never un-know what has been revealed to you.
No one can serve two masters, and what I’ve finally realized when I call Jesus my Lord and Master is that I’m no longer my own master. In this day and age of self-empowerment – this realization is the hardest thing to admit.
Why do you call me Lord, Lord, and not do as I say? Why is Jesus so direct? This gentle Jesus that reveals Himself to you with His kindness and love is also the King of Kings and Lord of Lords. He doesn’t play.
I always prayed to God the Father when I felt too ashamed to face the One who died for me. I felt or, in my “elevated” state, hoped that God would overlook my shortcomings. That I might get a pass.
Jesus saved me. His sacrifice is a complete redemption of my life, and although I acknowledge this and believe it with all my heart – when I chose myself as my own master, I slowly and continuously walked away from the One who laid down His life for me.
I felt I was walking away from my salvation – because I chose myself and not the One who saved me.
When I finally and sincerely decided to follow Jesus, I realized I had to follow Him daily and in EVERYTHING I did. In my every waking up and laying down – He demands it – He deserves it.
